Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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