Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
A+ Viking dick
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
