Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How external is "for external use only"?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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