I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
