Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize