How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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