I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
