as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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