Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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