Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
