Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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