Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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