My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
