She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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