it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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