whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
