listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
