This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
