I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
