the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just want nice things and good sex
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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