I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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