So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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