He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize