Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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