im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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