im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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