just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
