and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
