i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
