How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
