i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize