What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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