i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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