Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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