when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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