i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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