Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
