he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
