rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
