I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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