hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
