good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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