I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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