he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
