38 yer olds are good kisserssss
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
MIDGETS
????
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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