I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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