Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
