So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
