Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
