My liver just broke up with me...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my being single is dangerous.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
