When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
