my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
