he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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