I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
