We're facebook friends in real life
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
