i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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