I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
