you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
