Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
