You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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