so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
