The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize