so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
