why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
