I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
