so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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