yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
