He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
