dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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