You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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