I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
