He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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